Draft CL Draft: Quarter-Final 4: The Sapient Hawks vs Hunskelpers FC

[Rex Stone]

And for our final quarter final it's the @Sapient Hawk s against @bingobob and his Hunskelpers FC

Hunskelpers survived a nervy final day of the ranking league to secure the last bye spot on offer. This is their team...



Meanwhile the Hawks pulled off the upset of the round as they defeated the heavily favoured Farzad Wanderers in a bad tempered tie despite finishing last in the initial ranking tournament.

This is their team...

 

[GoonerJeeves]

Henrik Larsson and Harry Kane vs Almunia....rabbit in headlights springs to mind.

 

[Farzad Stoned]

I will be rooting for @Sapient Hawk to ride the cinderella story to the cup. But my head says this will be @bingobob’s tie. I don’t know what hurt my feelings more going out in a shock upset or having my sexy hot tub photo double spoiler alerted involuntarily.

 

[Sapient Hawk]

And for our final quarter final it's the @Sapient Hawk s against @bingobob and his Hunskelpers FC

Hunskelpers survived a nervy final day of the ranking league to secure the last bye spot on offer. This is their team...

View attachment 14226

Meanwhile the Hawks pulled off the upset of the round as they defeated the heavily favoured Farzad Wanderers in a bad tempered tie despite finishing last in the initial ranking tournament.

This is their team...

View attachment 14227

I was actually bullish about my chances, until I realized who was burdened with the monumental task of aiding Sheringham

 

[Farzad Stoned]

I was actually bullish about my chances, until I realized who was burdened with the monumental task of aiding Sheringham

Footballers who smoked cigarettes what a laugh. People forget how common that was in 1980s and early 90s. Throw a nicotine patch on Teddy and see his goal numbers explode

 

[A_G]

@Sapient Hawk leaking some damaging news about one of the Hunskelpers on the eve of the game:

 

[Sapient Hawk]

Henrik Larsson and Harry Kane vs Almunia....rabbit in headlights springs to mind.

I would say "Oh ye of little faith" but the reality is this is one of those rare situations where even a minute degree of faith would be wasteful

 

[Sapient Hawk]

@Sapient Hawk leaking some damaging news about one of the Hunskelpers on the eve of the game:

Having muckracking friends in low places finally pays dividends

 

[bingobob]

Both teams have exceeded expectations to get to this point. We have the upmost respect for @Sapient Hawk and the work done to get to this point. Let's hope we are talking about the beautiful game and not referees or other assorted nonsense.

 

[Rex Stone]

And for the final quarter final we have the green of Saudi Arabia against the green and white of Celtic… it’s Hunskelpers FC of @bingobob against @Sapient Hawk

The previous meetings were:

Hunskelpers 2 - 0 Sapient Hawks
Sapient Hawks 1 - 1 Hunskelpers

A lot of the pre-match questions directed to the Skelpers manager were focused on the dark arts of the Hawks star centre back Walter Samuel. He kept it classy though and said he respects the opposition and all of their players.

Another game, another bit of Zalayeta drama for the Hawks. In the last training session before the game he gets into a fight with positional rival Salomon Kalou... it seems both are feeling the pressure of getting that support role for Sheringham up top.

On game day it's the Uruguayan who gets the nod... a frosty relationship with the gaffer doesn't mean he undervalues how important he's been to the team on this fairytale run so far.

The game unfortunately is an absolute shambles for the first half an hour. Two shots on target total between the two teams and no-one is able to string a pass together. The Hawks home fans look bored to tears.

One thing there's plenty of though is fouls... the game is constantly breaking down, and surprise surprise it's Walter Samuel the chief perpetrator who once again seems immune to bookings.

Still though 30 minutes in and it's the Hawks who've got a free kick, they send the big lads at the back up, the ball comes over... there's a scramble and a miskick from Karembeu and...

IT'S IN!!!!!

And he's finally scored!! Zalayeta has his goal and he runs straight to @Sapient Hawk for a congratulatory hug! All that ill feeling is forgotten now as he grabs his first goal of the competition to put the Hawks up.


10 minutes later and we're back in into a regular rhythm of not much quality football but a whole lot of fouls. Ronald De Boer decides to get in on the action and cleans out Frank Lampard, he's adamant he got the ball and reacts furiously when the referee brandishes a yellow... he protests so much that the referee...


SENDS HIM OFF!

The Hawk players surround the ref, they can't believe it! It seemed a little much... for the rest of the half the Hunskelpers are queuing up for long range shots although getting them on target seems to be beyond them...

 

[bingobob]

Need a big second half here Vs 10 men. Time for some magic lads. Be patient, tire them out, see an opportunity take the opportunity, get a couple away goals see the game out. Whatever we do we don't stop. We can't stop.

 

[GoonerJeeves]

Need a big second half here Vs 10 men. Time for some magic lads. Be patient, tire them out, see an opportunity take the opportunity, get a couple away goals see the game out. Whatever we do we don't stop. We can't stop.

Shouldn't you go for a more rousing half time speech? More a la Braveheart? This sounds more like the Right Reverend Dr. Iain Greenshields

 

[Riou]

If Hawk's team ****houses his way to the semis...then I agree with @jones that @Rex Bezos is just simming the matches over and over, until he gets whatever results he wants to help feed his sick fan fiction addiction.

I mean, Hawk's playing with wingbacks ffs...what kind of sick freak actually does that!?

 

[Rex Stone]

So with that red card @Sapient Hawk has to be forced into a tough decision. With the only player truly comfortable in a left sided defensive role in the dressing room he has to change formation to a back four with someone out of position.

Midfield lynchpin Ambrosini is sacrificed in favour of the only defender on the bench... Sébastien Squillaci and Boli is shifted to right back. Samuel is the only one of the four who's left footed so he's moved to what will surely be an extremely defensive left back.

Now the true onslaught begins...

Luis Figo put in a true 1/10 performance in the first half, constantly losing the ball and he's been hooked by @bingobob for David Villa to try and bring some guile to unlock the so far stout Hawks defence.

Straight-away Hunskelpers start carving them open and ten minutes into the half there's a great opportunity for Larsson when he leaps highest for a Beckham cross... and re-directs the header down to....

Deflect off Squillaci for a corner...

Beckham is across to take it but they catch the Hawks sleeping... they're not expecting the short corner and it's Villa from almost square onto the penalty area who whips a curving arrow across the box...

And who's hanging in the air like he's Michael Jordan...

GOALLLL FROM RAMOSSSSSSSSS

All square and the Hunskelpers force their way back into the game... in the celebrations Walter Samuel doesn't take too kindly to something said by Robertson and pushes him over. A huge fight breaks out... it's not looking good for Samuel here and the referee shows him...

A YELLOW CARD!

Has Samuel got blackmail on these referees... this is unbelievable!?

Back to it and the Hunskelpers have their tails up now... the home fans are silent as they see their team clinging on against wave after wave of attacks!

They're dropping very deep and 70 minutes gone Andy Robertson has all day on the left flank to fire in a cross... Kane goes up for it... but Koeman gets there first....

It falls to Lampard on the edge of the D... takes a touch and shapes to shoot...





But he plays a wonderfully disguised pass to the substitute Bernardo Silva and he....

SCORESSSSSSSS!! THE COMEBACK IS COMPLETE!

This could get ugly fast for the Hawks... a man down now a goal down it's a full backs to the wall effort to try and keep themselves in the tie...


However thanks in no small part to Harry Kane missing three decent chances it's within a goal. Into the final minute and after a breakaway by the Hawks, late sub Zenden recieves a tasty challenge from Ramos and there's ANOTHER scuffle!

Samuel is in there of course but Sheringham and Zenden are grappling with Ramos and they're both shown a yellow card. Nothing for Samuel again...

Once that's settled the game is almost done but we have time for one last free kick... the ball is lofted in... Koeman wins a header... then Jaime gets a faint touch... it falls to the floor.... where....

IT'S POKED HOME BY BOUDEWIJN ZENDEN!!

The Sapient fans go wild! They've salvaged a draw and it's all square for the away leg...



3 shots on target 2 goals plays 24 shots and 80% possession.... football.

 

[Rex Stone]

If Hawk's team ****houses his way to the semis...then I agree with @jones that @Rex Bezos is just simming the matches over and over, until he gets whatever results he wants to help feed his sick fan fiction addiction.

I mean, Hawk's playing with wingbacks ffs...what kind of sick freak actually does that!?

I wouldn't have simmed that Aguero game believe you me... big dressing room fallout from bottling the first leg to @pigge utd

 

[jones]

Those match stats

 

[bingobob]

Shouldn't you go for a more rousing half time speech? More a la Braveheart? This sounds more like the Right Reverend Dr. Iain Greenshields

I was considering a Braveheart approach but went for the Arsène Wenger calm reasoned approach. Hindsight should have went full Braveheart.

 

[Sapient Hawk]

So with that red card @Sapient Hawk has to be forced into a tough decision. With the only player truly comfortable in a left sided defensive role in the dressing room he has to change formation to a back four with someone out of position.

Midfield lynchpin Ambrosini is sacrificed in favour of the only defender on the bench... Sébastien Squillaci and Boli is shifted to right back. Samuel is the only one of the four who's left footed so he's moved to what will surely be an extremely defensive left back.

Now the true onslaught begins...

Luis Figo put in a true 1/10 performance in the first half, constantly losing the ball and he's been hooked by @bingobob for David Villa to try and bring some guile to unlock the so far stout Hawks defence.

Straight-away Hunskelpers start carving them open and ten minutes into the half there's a great opportunity for Larsson when he leaps highest for a Beckham cross... and re-directs the header down to....

Deflect off Squillaci for a corner...

Beckham is across to take it but they catch the Hawks sleeping... they're not expecting the short corner and it's Villa from almost square onto the penalty area who whips a curving arrow across the box...

And who's hanging in the air like he's Michael Jordan...

GOALLLL FROM RAMOSSSSSSSSS

All square and the Hunskelpers force their way back into the game... in the celebrations Walter Samuel doesn't take too kindly to something said by Robertson and pushes him over. A huge fight breaks out... it's not looking good for Samuel here and the referee shows him...

A YELLOW CARD!

Has Samuel got blackmail on these referees... this is unbelievable!?

Back to it and the Hunskelpers have their tails up now... the home fans are silent as they see their team clinging on against wave after wave of attacks!

They're dropping very deep and 70 minutes gone Andy Robertson has all day on the left flank to fire in a cross... Kane goes up for it... but Koeman gets there first....

It falls to Lampard on the edge of the D... takes a touch and shapes to shoot...





But he plays a wonderfully disguised pass to the substitute Bernardo Silva and he....

SCORESSSSSSSS!! THE COMEBACK IS COMPLETE!

This could get ugly fast for the Hawks... a man down now a goal down it's a full backs to the wall effort to try and keep themselves in the tie...


However thanks in no small part to Harry Kane missing three decent chances it's within a goal. Into the final minute and after a breakaway by the Hawks, late sub Zenden recieves a tasty challenge from Ramos and there's ANOTHER scuffle!

Samuel is in there of course but Sheringham and Zenden are grappling with Ramos and they're both shown a yellow card. Nothing for Samuel again...

Once that's settled the game is almost done but we have time for one last free kick... the ball is lofted in... Koeman wins a header... then Jaime gets a faint touch... it falls to the floor.... where....

IT'S POKED HOME BY BOUDEWIJN ZENDEN!!

The Sapient fans go wild! They've salvaged a draw and it's all square for the away leg...

View attachment 14295

3 shots on target 2 goals plays 24 shots and 80% possession.... football.

The 3 undeniable truths that were made clear to the world in this match were:

1. Our fans know that we hate them & the feeling is greatly reciprocated.

2. Walter Samuel has photos of Aleksander Čeferin that are compromising to an alarming degree.

3. Zalayeta may still evade the glue factory yet.

Brilliant stuff as always @Rex Bezos

 

[Sapient Hawk]

I was considering a Braveheart approach but went for the Arsène Wenger calm reasoned approach. Hindsight should have went full Braveheart.

Seeing as you're playing a team that is the dirtiest in the competition, and that's before we factor in one Walter Samuel, nothing but a Churchilian speech would've sufficed

 

[Sapient Hawk]

If Hawk's team ****houses his way to the semis...then I agree with @jones that @Rex Bezos is just simming the matches over and over, until he gets whatever results he wants to help feed his sick fan fiction addiction.

I mean, Hawk's playing with wingbacks ffs...what kind of sick freak actually does that!?

One who is destined to win the Champions League despite the naysayers proclaiming any team with Zalayeta & Zenden is better off binned from the competition.

Let's not mince words because they're right, but that hasn't stopped us yet